Guest post by Carissa Jones
"I am glad you are here with me. Here at the end of all things, Sam." – Frodo Baggins in J.R.R. Tolkien's The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
In the age of social media, the notion of friendship has taken on new meanings. Many people have "friends" whom they have never met, nor do they know them on any personal level. While most of us would agree that such a relationship does not constitute a friendship in the true sense of the word, the term itself has broadened in application over time to now include nearly any individual one has met and not found deplorable. This expanded use is not necessarily a bad thing, provided one understands varying degrees of friendship. Christ modeled such an understanding by engaging in progressively deeper relational activity as He interacted with the masses, the twelve, and then the three (Peter, James, and John).
Current trends, however, focus on the quantity of "friends" one has rather than the depth and quality of those friendships. This becomes problematic as our interactions with one another grow increasingly superficial. The sexual revolution and growing cultural acceptance of LGBTQ+ lifestyles also contribute to the shift away from deep friendships. C.S. Lewis noted in his discussion of philia in The Four Loves that, even in his day, many expressions of deep friendship had been abandoned for fear of being labeled homosexual.
But is there a better way to view friendship? Lewis, J.R.R. Tolkien, and a handful of others made up the group now known as the Inklings. Through their lives and writings, we catch a glimpse of an understanding of friendship more fully aligned with Scripture.
Friendship in the Lives of the Inklings
Friendship among the Inklings was a treasured gift. The Great War (WWI), in which many of the Inklings had fought, served as a tragic reminder of the frailty of human life and the value of meaningful friendship. The loss of a peer in the prime of life shapes a person, and these men lost numerous peers. Those who survived the war came back changed. They returned grieving and battered, but hopeful.
The Inklings – drawn together by their shared faith, experiences, and affinity for literature – developed rich relationships with one another that shaped and nourished the group as a whole. Varying degrees of friendship existed within the society, and each individual contributed in unique ways. As Lewis points out, in the loss of one friend, a person really loses a piece of every other member of the group – that piece which only the lost friend could draw out. Thus, while Lewis and Tolkien might have been closer with one another than either was with Charles Williams, his absence from the group was felt even in their relationship with one another. Williams likewise benefited from a group of like-minded friends among whom he could be heard, and who would not only encourage him but who would also push him to be better. They lived out Hebrews 10:24, "Let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds."
Friendship in the Literature of the Inklings
The Inklings had no lack of personal experience from which to draw when creating their fictional relationships. Their characters engage in a full array of human friendships. In Narnia, for example, one sees the nuances and impacts of sibling relationships, new friendships, and even feigned friendships. Lucy's relationship with Mr. Tumnus, for example, looks vastly different from her relationship with Susan. Likewise, Edmund's often volatile relationship with Peter is infinitely more valuable than the mockery of friendship offered to him by the White Witch.
In The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, one finds a remarkable account of the friendship among four hobbits as they prepare to embark on a journey of extreme danger and hardship. Frodo realizes the secret of his burden has been made known and laments that he can trust no one. Merry replies, "It all depends on what you want… You can trust us to stick to you through thick and thin – to the bitter end. And you can trust us to keep any secret of yours – closer than you keep it yourself. But you cannot trust us to let you face trouble alone, and go off without a word. We are your friends, Frodo… We are horribly afraid – but we are coming with you; or following you like hounds." These four stayed true to one another through separation, nearness, grief, joy, trials, and triumph.
The friendship of these hobbits is reminiscent of that between Jonathan and David found in 1 Samuel 18. These brave warriors did not despair of showing affection nor cower in fear of outside evils, but remained loyal friends through the most difficult circumstances until Jonathan's death, a death which grieved David terribly.
Friendship in Our Own Lives
Many of Inklings' literary friendships embody that which we long for in our own relationships – loyalty, nearness, devotion, and understanding. This should not be altogether surprising. We have been created for community. As Williams wrote in The Place of the Lion, "Much was possible to a man in solitude... But some things were possible only to a man in companionship." We need one another to thrive. We need others who will encourage us, be real with us, mourn and rejoice with us. Paul was such a friend to the Ephesians, and their grief over losing him was rivaled only by the mutual love they shared.
Developing deep friendships can be challenging for everyone. However, this is especially true for ministers as many of the burdens they carry cannot be shared, and some people never fully open up to them. Recognizing this and taking corrective measures is imperative for ministers and laypeople alike to overcome those obstacles. It is far too easy to put up barriers to "protect" ourselves from the pain of loss, betrayal, judgment, and rejection. But this is not healthy. While sharing everything with everyone is ill-advised, we do need a handful of friends who know and love us on a deeply personal level.
In The Return of the King, Frodo steadily weakened from the weight of his burden to the point that he could no longer continue on his quest. At this point, Sam declared, "I can't carry it (the ring of burden) for you, but I can carry you and it as well." We need those friends in our lives. Those who will carry us to the throne room when we are too weak and weary to take ourselves. We need to be those friends as well, sharing others' burdens when we can and lifting them up when we cannot. And when we've reached the end of our earthly journeys, may we look at our friends and proclaim, "I am glad you are here with me. Here at the end of all things."